I was huddled in the back of the small boat, the engine kept running. The steering wheel was unmanned and I stared at it with a blank expression. I knew I should reach for it with both hands and take control, but the urge simply did not rise out of my heart. The little boat with me still in it went crashing on the feral shores of the unknown island.
When I rose up in groggy consciousness, I felt the sting of indifference pulsing through me. When i tried to speak, only sand cascaded from my tongue. When I listened for sound, only silence met my ears. I had lost my will. In that moment, I had to electrify myself.
It was time to examine my life. The things I want, are they really what I want? What is it that I want? What am I going for? Why am I here? All these unanswered questions that I just let drift alongside me, like temporal dolphins playing in the wake of the ship, only to disappear at first sight of an unexpected interrogator.
I was struggling but not fighting. Drowning, but not kicking. Breathing, but not living.